Musings of a college graduate

I’m writing because lately I’ve been thinking about you. Not in a “longing” way but simply in a “I miss my friend” way. It’s been a year and a half since we really spoke to each other. I know this may seem weird and you’re probably wishing I didn’t send this. I’m sure you’re happy in your current relationship and I guess you could say that I am at the point where I am happy for you. You deserve to smile every day, man, you have a great smile. You also deserve to laugh and love. You love harder than any person I ever met in my entire life.

I’m so honored to have met you and to have been able to call you mine at one point. You will forever hold a place in my memory as someone who was strong and loving and always put others before yourself. You are the most unselfish person I know.

I’m writing because I miss you. Simple as that. I know this email seems weird and I probably shouldn’t have sent it but you also deserve to know that your absence has left a void in my life and I’m looking forward to filling it something as great as you have now.

Forever,
Your Exgirlfriend

Titled: I Can’t Do It

I can’t do it. I can’t separate you and me from the intimacy we share. I can’t separate you from your girlfriend and me from you. You have two women wanting to be with you, to share your space, and have your attention. I have been content with our method of communication and the lack of face-to-face encounters. However, the other night at the bar was when reality hit me. You have a girlfriend. She might even live with you for all I know. She calls you when she has time and you have to take her call. Maybe you answer the phone because you love her and you don’t want her to worry about you or maybe you answer the phone because you know she’s coming over tonight and can’t wait to see you. Either way, you left me at the bar and you answered your phone. When you came back, it was as though nothing happened and because you acted as though nothing happened, I went along with you. Then we ended up in the backseat of my car, after walking and kissing. Kissing and hugging. We talked about how we wish we had more privacy and I joked that one of us should get a house. You said you couldn’t bring me home because your neighbors were nosey. This got my brain thinking; if they’re looking out for your girlfriend then you must have made them love her just as much as you do.

I’ve been trying to figure out the best way to start a book I want to write. Honestly, I don’t really know what I want to write about yet. I mean, I’m not very old so I don’t have “too” much experience… but I’ve got a few good stories under my belt. Mostly dealing with my “love life”… and now, lack there of, which is fine by me. Anyway, so today I figured out the title of my book. I am excited. Well, excited that I figured out a title…. now I have to figure everything else out.

Tonight I spent time with my Dad. With everything going on in my household, I felt it only right to dedicate my night to him. Well, let me take that back - I have no friends in San Diego so it was really one of my only options. Unless I wanted to stay home and watch “The Best Thing I Ever Ate” which wouldn’t have been so terrible since that show is pretty awesome. Anyway, after dinner I insisted that we drove the “scenic” route. The “scenic” route consists of a drive through Coronado and into Imperial Beach. We talked about a lot of things but then I got to thinking about my own writing. How I aspire to write in a way that people connect with me… where readers read my writing in hopes of one day writing as well as myself. My dad spoke of how he wanted to write a book but did not have the sufficient vocabulary to do such a thing. “GHOST WRITERS!” I told him. I thought of all the great writers and how along with that great writing, generally came great pain. How most good writers were drunks or suicidal. How can I compete with someone who has seen and accepted the other side of life? I can’t. I sit here and write entries about everyday life - things that don’t matter to the real world. I have no inspiring tales of heroism. My heart and mind have been broken for some time but I cannot find the words to express this emptiness I feel. I’m missing the point all the time. Once this cranberry vodka buzz (or lack there of) wears off, I’m back at square one. Staring at my computer screen attempting to fabricate a perfect entry about a life that means nothing to me right now. My only option is to go to bed and wake up tomorrow morning. I’m lonely… but I guess we’re all a little lonely… mine’s just a little more extreme.