Musings of a college graduate

I’m writing because lately I’ve been thinking about you. Not in a “longing” way but simply in a “I miss my friend” way. It’s been a year and a half since we really spoke to each other. I know this may seem weird and you’re probably wishing I didn’t send this. I’m sure you’re happy in your current relationship and I guess you could say that I am at the point where I am happy for you. You deserve to smile every day, man, you have a great smile. You also deserve to laugh and love. You love harder than any person I ever met in my entire life.

I’m so honored to have met you and to have been able to call you mine at one point. You will forever hold a place in my memory as someone who was strong and loving and always put others before yourself. You are the most unselfish person I know.

I’m writing because I miss you. Simple as that. I know this email seems weird and I probably shouldn’t have sent it but you also deserve to know that your absence has left a void in my life and I’m looking forward to filling it something as great as you have now.

Forever,
Your Exgirlfriend

Every year I like to look back at my blog and read over everything I went through. Here are the first paragraphs from the first entries of the month. It’s been a rough year but at least it ended well.

January: Out of Site, Not Out of Mind
“One night, the Musician and I were laying in bed. In all honesty, I can’t remember what brought this particular subject up but I do remember him moving in closer to hold me. As he held me, he said, ‘Maybe we’re just two lonely people.’”

February: Picture Post
“I turned 24 this weekend. Woo!”

March: This Post-Grad Life: Don’t Be So Hard on Yourself, Girl
“A great article my friend sent me.”

April: Picture Post
“Dinner Tonight! Fettuccini and broccoli with homemade alfredo sauce. Sides include: sauteed brussel sprouts with goat cheese with sundried tomatoes and brusectta. I miss cooking like this. I want to cook like this all the time! However, I do not have the time… all the time. :(“

May: Picture Post
“Work on a Saturday? At 9am? Yes. I can’t wait!”

June: Picture Post
“Participating at ARTS (A Reason to Survive) with the kids. I titled it, ‘I speak of Love.’”

July: Picture Post
“This weekend I had a much needed get-away to Temecula for a wine tasting tour with my friends for a birthday celebration. Friday night was emotionally draining. Luckily, I had some amazing girls and yummy wine to help sort through my feelings. Definitely the best cure for a broken heart… or rather, a bruised ego.”

August: The Older Version of You
“Lately I’ve been thinking about how I got myself caught up in this situation. I mean, there was a time when you wanted to be with me and that made me excited. You would send me these emotional emails about your feelings and how “one day” we would be together. It was something you wanted.”

September: “Every line is about who I don’t want to write about any more”
“And it’s true. I’ve been avoiding anything dealing with writing because whenever I start, I end up writing about him. I hate to quote Brand New but it had to be done. I drive past his house every day and everything I’m listening to right now is him. The beer I drink. He was constantly a text away. However…”

October: Picture Post
“Just got back from my trip to Hawai’i. I have a lot to talk about. Updates soon.”

November: Second Interview
“On Friday, I was called back for a second interview. I was a little upset because I was telling my friend the day before how much I dislike second interviews. Second interviews mean panels, panels mean future coworkers who don’t have any supervision over me. Basically, it’s a popularity contest. “

December: Honesty.
“You may have stopped loving me, but I will never stop loving you. That’s the most honest I’ve been in a couple of months… well, since the first Friday in August.”

This next year will hold so many wonderful things for me, I can feel it. I hope everyone has a safe and fun New Years Eve. I also hope the next year brings nothing but happiness for you and your family. Now, let’s go drink!

A red 2011 Nissan Versa hatchback. I am loving my new ride.

I made a huge commitment today and bought a car. It was one of those things that I didn’t expect to do but as it was happening, I couldn’t stop. I just let everything happen and I kind of just dived in. It’s scary, don’t get me wrong, but it’s something that I needed to do for myself. I spend my money on silly things all the time, it’s time I do something responsible with it.

My last day at the YWCA was on Friday. It was one of those bittersweet changes. It was necessary but I felt somewhat uneasy about the change. I’ve never been good with change. Change makes me feel out of control and I’m a very “controlled” person. However, as I was finishing up on Friday, I knew I was successful in everything I wanted to do with the program. I knew I put my whole being into providing the children a program in which they were able to relax, have fun and just be kids. I didn’t need any gimmicks - no silly names for groups, no false pretenses. I was just honest and upfront with them. I didn’t treat the children like victims, but survivors - heroes. The children I’ve worked with have been difficult but then I had those gems, the children who were just innately good, well-behaved and wanted the best out of life. It was working at the YWCA that made me realize how resilient children actually were. It was a concept I had read about in my Child Development classes but seeing it in person made me truly understand what I had learned. Now I’m moving on to the Armed Services YMCA and with me I am taking drive, my dedication to the “cause”, and an understanding of how children work, how they think and that no matter what, be it family separation, divorce, domestic violence, children will overcome if we help and allow them and that’s what makes them so amazing.